Weight on the brain

There's so much more to losing weight than calories and pounds.  I didn't lose 50 lbs by going on a diet.  I have been on MANY diets. Many that did not work, and many that would have worked had I been prepared MENTALLY. 

My success only started when I decided to deal with the all the extra weight in my HEAD.

Coincidentally as this post was forming, the Fitmixer bootcamp ladies topic for the week was "GARBAGE".  Oh so timely, and true!  Much of my weight loss occurred as I started to release the garbage, the negative and defeated thoughts in my brain.

There are things I just had to admit, accept and resolve inside myself before I could even begin my journey.

• I'M OBESE. 
• It wasn't a secret to anyone but me! There was no use hiding away from the world. There was no quick fix for it.  It just was my reality.  Once I stopped fighting that admission in my head, I was free to start to evolve, learn and move past it.
• THIS IS MY LIFE. 
• I couldn't keep waiting for that "X" to happen to live my life.  You know that dialogue:  When I graduate college.  When we get a nice house. When the kids grow up.  When I lose this weight. There was NO pause button.  My life was marching on with or without my participation. I could continue to sit idly on the sidelines and watch it go by, OR I could get up and start directing my own life!
• I DID THIS. 
• There was no one to blame.  There may have been underlying issues that fueled my eating - stress, guilt, anger.  I could tell you the tales of my hurdles, obstacles, hardships. But the WHY's didn't matter.  The extra pounds on my body, didn't care.  I had to take responsibility. Only I could do something to change it.
• I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY
• I could hate my situation and be miserable.  I could beat myself up for letting it get so bad.   I could fall into an abyss of  depression for overeating again, OR I could put my big girl pants on and enjoy the indulgence, be grateful that I DID realize I have a problem and was doing my best to change it, and live every moment to the fullest. 

The fitmixer gals made the best point in that webcast:  Don't resist what is to find your peace.

I didn't start to have success until I accepted my reality, realized that it had all brought me to the place where I was ready to grow, was thankful for it ALL, and used that knowledge to empower me to change my present.

I could get all worked up, stressed, angry and upset to get myself motivated.  But beating myself up only created an environment for failure. Yes, every time I beat myself up, I had an excuse to cheat, quit, or plain give up.

Case in point?  Along with the celebration of getting to the 50 mark, my brain immediately started the negative thought storm.  Why?  I have another 50 to go! 

• How are you going to do this?
• The pounds are not coming off so easily!
• You still can't keep your eating clean consistently!
• You are NO WHERE near your bootcamp goals!
• Look how hard you have been working out, and for what?!!

FACT:  Negative thoughts = Negative outcomes. 

While I should be telling you that I have finally kicked my obese bmi - I am desperately hovering over the same numbers.  The self-abuse is kicking up, and my eating has been atrocious.  Like worse than ever in all of my 50 pound journey thus far.

ENOUGH. 

TIME TO RESET. 

enjoying the journey

As I embark on the second half of this journey.  I am going back to the beginning to set up an atmosphere for further success!  I will  BE MY OWN BEST SUPPORT, and will start by acknowledging:

• I'M GETTING HEALTHIER EVERY DAY
• THIS IS MY LIFE, AND ITS A GREAT ONE
• I DID THIS (50lbs gone!) AND I WILL FINISH THIS
• I AM HAPPY!!

Is it time to reset your mental dialogue?  Hang in there, you've got this!

50 little things

CONGRADULATIONS TO ME!

 

It's been a busy week, but I couldn't let it pass without a shout out to....ME! On Monday the scale was kind and told me that I had finally achieved a 50 LB weight loss!!!



My weight loss hasn't come easy. It has come by addressing the things that caused the weight loss - physical, mental, emotional and practical issues that have taken trial and error, learning and focusing and re-focusing.



As the old hymn says, I wouldn't give 'nothing for my journey. It has made my transformation thus far one that is permanent. It's definitely the lifestyle change versus diet that you hear and read so much about now.



I'll reflect on all of those areas in the days to come. My hope is that it helps that person who is contemplating their own journey and wondering if they can.

To you I say: YOU can.

But today, 50 little things that have changed since I first started my weight loss journey that aren't so much about the pounds, and give me plenty to celebrate this week.



1. My shadow! My silhouette has changed. I have a WAIST again! It's a whole new me. And I'm loving it.



2. I look in mirrors now! Which means I have been able to address other neglected things. Like, when did I get grey hair?? :) I had a talent. I could look at my face in a full length mirror and not see the rest of me, and I could also glance at a mirror without letting my brain see that I was seriously overweight.



3. I can cross my legs! At both the ankle and the knee!



4. I use to have insulin resistance marks on the sides of my neck (dark stains in the skin) GONE!



5. I can wrap a towel around me without the annoying/embarrassing gap I use to have when I tried.



6. Better? Hubby can wrap his arms around me and touch his elbows! He hasn't been able to do that since, oh ....maybe our honeymoon?



7. I don't feel embarrassed or guilty eating in public.



8. I take pictures again! There are whole years where you canNOT find a single picture of me in our family albums. So sad!



9. I use to be HOT all the time, even in a Wisconsin winter I could head out with flip flops and a sweater. A layer of insulation does that for you. Now? Not so much. For the first time I get cold in an air conditioned room in the summer! Wha?!



10. I go outside as much as possible. I use to spend WAY to much time indoors!



11. I'm more social. When I gained weight I avoided old friends out of embarrassment, and I wouldn't go to my hubby's work or kids school field trips. I felt like I would embarrass them. NOT any more!



12. Free hugs! I enjoy hugging people again. I use to avoid it because I didn't want any one to feel my fat rolls. Even from hubby!



13. I enjoy shopping again! I don't have to shop based on what will fit. Instead I get to pick clothes based on what I think is cute!



14. I can wear shoes with heels again! My feet actually shrunk too! Add 50 pounds to this 5'3" frame and my only choice was flats with good support. Yes, think orthopedic wear. No longer necessary!



15. My sciatica pain is gone! Too much weight on my short frame meant I blew out two discs, lost feeling in my right leg and foot, and was basically in constant pain. Not anymore! Its amazing how GREAT living pain free can be.



16. I eat breakfast. EVERY day. And enjoy it! AND feel good! Before losing weight. I skipped it. EVERY day. And every day I paid for it by getting over hungry and eating things that I just felt bad about afterward. Done!



17. I also eat YUMMY VEGGIES. EVERY day!! And I like them. 50 lbs ago - nope, no way, never. Only veggie I ever ate was corn - and it was loaded with butter and sometimes mayo - yes, mayo.



18. I can borrow friends clothes? There were times we would have an impromptu stay over with friends, and I always had to run out to buy clothes. I knew I didn't fit into anything they offered to lend to me. Even getting chilly at a bonfire meant I just stayed cold, I couldn't even borrow a sweater without stretching it out!



19. My frequent chest pain and indigestion is gone.



20. I weigh LESS than my hubby! That happened a while ago, but it just gets better and better now :0))



21. I drink water. I'm still not great at it. But it's pretty awful that I went weeks and weeks without consuming a single glass of water in the past. Talk about damages!



22. My hair and skin is in its best condition since high school.

23. I am setting new goals every day. Things I never would have contemplating carrying 50 extra pounds.



24. I wake up happy and excited about my days, instead of tired and dreading them.



25. I can feel a 2-3 lb change in my weight! Amazingly I would lose/gain 10 lbs and not even know it. I was SO out of touch with my own body!



26. I can buy cute workout clothes versus big baggy sweats!



27. I have developed food morals and a cleaner palate.



28. I inspire people! That is SO awesome!



29. Co-workers, friends and family ask my advice on food and fitness. Who AM I now? :)



30. I save SO much money eating at home, and enjoy it!



31. I use to be the family baker. Any potluck and I was known for some ooey gooey, SUPER SWEET, awesome dessert. I would get requests. Now? I am known for my awesome SALADS!



32. I can see the start of ab muscles! (thanks bootcamp!)



33. My legs have MUSCLES again!



34. I buy cute pajamas now! (bye bye gigantic flannel pj's - sniff sniff - this by the way has made hubby VERY happy)



35. My AIC is perfect (and am working to get OFF my meds!)



36. My cholesterol is down!



37. My hand and feet use to go numb randomly. Don't know why. Slimmer arms and legs seems to be the answer. No longer have numbness!



38. I CRAVE greens! Like I HAVE to have it EVERY day or I get crazy anxious. I will run out for a salad now like I use to run out for fast food 50 lbs ago.



39. My BMI is on a serious decline.



40. Chaffing. Done - that is all.



41. Internal plumbing - A-OK! That is all.



42. I use to wear frumpy skirts all the time. In my mind it hid a multitude of evils. Mainly my belly and thighs. Now I have some stylish shorts and capris in my closet. Jeans have yet to make it.



43. My treadmill is no longer a clothes hanger!



44. I am much more adventurous. We plan road trips around physical activities and not eating destinations.



45. I can carry my 4 year old son! Hubby always had to carry the kids once they were close to 1 year. I couldn't do it! Last week we went hiking and I carried my little guy on my back for the last half of our hike when he got tired!



46. I was always tired! I never ran around with my kids, played with them outside or did ANYTHING active with them. We are now on the GO all the time. I actually have to slow down for THEM now! My daughter actually asked me why we don't do crafts and baking at the table like we use to do ALL the time. Cause we are active now! We do family zumba, biking, hiking, swimming. LOVE being active with my kids.



47. There is a lot more room between me and the steering wheel of the car. I was always afraid of what would happen if my air bag ever went off because the steering wheel at one point was maybe an inch from my belly.



48. Chairs are no longer a source of anxiety, especially airline seats! I was sure I would break a chair or outgrow an airline seat one day and I hated it! NOT a problem anymore.



49. I don't need the BIG gown at the doctors office anymore!



50. I don't WALK THAT WAY anymore. You know it, the waddle, with the arms at an awkward unnatural dangle at the sides. I not only walk 'normal' again, I can RUN. Woot!!





Have you lost a lot of weight recently? What was your favorite milestone?